We all have our insecurities, and so often those insecurities transform into jealousy. Jealousy is a sickness. It makes us uncomfortable, detracts from our self-worth, judges others, separates us from people we admire, and blocks us from what we want to have. Jealousy is not an unpreventable emotion, it is a bad habit, and fortunately one we can change. Jealousy can be cured and completely out of your system using these 5 simple steps.
1. Be Fair to Others
It is easy to see someone with something we want in our own lives, and be upset that we don’t have it and they do. Whether it is on social media or in our daily life, we see someone with nice shoes, a good relationship, an awesome personality, or whatever it might be and our mind, and habit of choosing to react with jealousy, distorts reality. It is important to be fair with others if you want to end the habit of envy.
We don’t know everything about that person, and in truth we probably don’t know much about them or their life at all. We don’t know what they had to go through, experience, learn, or lose to get what they have. Even if it seems like something nature gave them, like beautiful eyes, we don’t know what all lies behind them.
2. Stop Deciding Who Deserves What
Often, when we have a habit of letting jealousy control our minds, we immediately respond by creating reasons why people don’t deserve what they have. We create a list of reasons why they don’t deserve to have what we want. We often sight mistakes they have made, short-comings they have, or that they already have too much “good”.
If you want to be happy, you must step down from the “Who-Deserves-What” police force. Yes, sometimes life has the illusion of unfairness. We see people with success doing “bad-things”, we see “good” people get less than we perceive they deserve. However, it is not any of our jobs to decide who qualifies as deserving, and if you are not getting paid for this job, I wouldn’t recommend volunteering because it will only make you unhappy.
3. Remember the Grass is Always Greener
When you are staring at your neighbor’s immaculate lawn, take notice of the neighbor on the other side staring at yours. To end feelings of jealousy, it is important to remember that there is surely someone who admires what you have. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in The Great Gatsby, “…Remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” If you think that you haven’t had any advantages in life, your perception needs a complete reworking. Even hard times, challenges, and pain can be perceived as advantages that taught you something or forced growth. Surely, there is something “good” in your life that someone else would feel lucky to have. Take an inventory of your own blessings, even the ones in disguise.
4. Create Your Own Luck
Do you want to be one of “the lucky ones”? One of my friends seemed to always be winning prizes. He playfully told me that he was born lucky, and listed numerous things he had won. I was mystified, and confessed that I had literally never won a prize. He confided in me saying that in actuality most people don’t ever enter contests and he had a habit of doing so, to the point that if the rules allowed, he would enter the same contest as many times as possible. We often don’t see the effort and work someone puts into their own luck, we only see the results. If there is something you see that you want, tip the scales in your own favor, and do the work it will take to increase your chances of success.
5, Seek Friends Not Competition
You can instantly and completely extinguish the burn of jealousy by viewing people as friends to learn from instead of competition. When you do this, you instantly put yourself on the same playing field, and not competing against the best, but joining the winning team.
Anytime you see someone that has any quality you wish you had, you should try to learn from them. Jealousy separates us from people we want to be like, and from everything we want to have. If you find something admirable, tell them! Everyone loves a sincere complement and most people like to talk about themselves. You become like the people you spend the most time with, so spend time with the people you admire. If you earn a friend, they will be happy to show you how to get what they have.